Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Alone

                                                             
  I am tired.  Tired of feeling alone.  Where are all the moms that stay at home in my neighborhood?  My children have no one to play with, and I have no one to talk to.  I can't do it alone anymore.  If you live nearby, can you call me? Can you come over and hang out?  We can chat about God, about life, as our children run and play.  I don't know about you, but I cannot sit in the house alone anymore.  My children grow tired of their mommy being too worn out to play another game of hide and seek.  If I draw another shape for them I may lose it!  If I have to slide down another chute in chutes and ladders I may just go crazy!  Where is that other mom at her wits end?  Where did you all go?  I know we have busy lives, but I need someone to hang out with.
  I feel alone.  I am raising 7 children with a husband who works full time.  On many occasions his job calls him to travel spending at least one night and two days away from us.  I know that this job is a wonderful blessing, but there are times that it aids in my loneliness.  The only one vying for my time is Facebook.  A fake companion that doesn't fill in the emptiness, but somehow makes the hole larger.  To Facebook reality, everyone seems too busy to visit, too busy to get close.  
  What do I do?  How do I remedy this?  Where did the love of ones neighbor go?  I know I have relied on Facebook to help me escape, to indulge in something I feel has meaning.  Why?  Because I feel I deserve solace, peace, and quiet.  Instead I get a child who clings to me even more because I did not spend enough time with them.  One that wants to stay up a little longer to be near me(ok, maybe it has more to do with truly to NOT wanting to go to bed).  Children who God gave me to teach them about Him, but instead I have been busy teaching them to long for comfort in a post on a smartphone.
  So, to all those mothers at their wits end, if you are home can you give me a call?  Maybe together we can collect our wits, regain control, and edify one another?  I am not going to let my loneliness get me down nor am I going to let it take away my hope.  Why must we feel lonely and worn out? We don't! So, as it says in Hebrews 10:23,
 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."  Even more so it goes on to say, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25
  Knowing all this i determined that God needed to find me a friend.  How wrong am I!  I have to drag myself out of the slump!  I admit being a wife to a husband that works a lot and a demanding schedule was taking its toll on me, but I had let go of something so essential.  I know it's hard to find time for friends.  It's hard to walk to the neighbors house, to intrude on their schedule.  Yet, I was the one making my own walls.  I was the one isolating myself out of fear, shyness, and embarrassment of not measuring up to a standard I created.  The walls, I admit, are still erected. I wanted the companionship, but not the bareness is exposes  Do you see my dilema?  I have not let them in.  I have given into that doubt, that feeling of isolation.  So, it is time to break through these barriers.  It is a struggle everyday!  I have muted facebook(you can never really get rid of it, it has become our new email!).  I will not allow my barriers to get a foothold and keep me here.  I will grow-I will let people in.  I will find that friend, but please could you call me?  I am a little shy. ;)

5 comments:

  1. I will call you! In fact, if I may just show up on your doorstep with my 8 kiddos... Keep writing beautiful friend, God wants to weave your words into a beautiful masterpiece, I promise!

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  2. Love this! I know what you mean! Looking forward to reading your blog!

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  3. Beautifully written, so open and so real. It is a feeling I understand, though I don't have 7 yet, a feeling I had with each foster placement when I really was alone. This speaks to moms. Your transparency is a breath of fresh air to mothers--it's okat to miss grown up conversations and the encouragement of friends. Not only is it an assurance that you are okay so you shouldn't feel guilty for that longing, but this post points out the culprit...social media. I'm guilty of it! We are "connected" to everyone, we know what's going on in their lives already because of news feed and Twitter, everything looks perfect for them (bbecause best foot forward, right?) And our lives are messy...We think "they are too busy for us..." And we go on in our solitary lives, clicking away and adding up our worth based on likes and comments. What happened to taking a pie to the neighbor? going out for coffee? Taking our kids to the park? I'm shy, too, and social media makes it easy for us to hide in that. Thank you for posting this. I am going to make every effort to break out of this, to get out of my comfort zone And BE with people. But not only that, to always remember that my worth isnt found in the internet, but in God, and He can fill the void and give us strength to reach out to our sisters in Christ. Love you!

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  4. Beautifully written, so open and so real. It is a feeling I understand, though I don't have 7 yet, a feeling I had with each foster placement when I really was alone. This speaks to moms. Your transparency is a breath of fresh air to mothers--it's okat to miss grown up conversations and the encouragement of friends. Not only is it an assurance that you are okay so you shouldn't feel guilty for that longing, but this post points out the culprit...social media. I'm guilty of it! We are "connected" to everyone, we know what's going on in their lives already because of news feed and Twitter, everything looks perfect for them (bbecause best foot forward, right?) And our lives are messy...We think "they are too busy for us..." And we go on in our solitary lives, clicking away and adding up our worth based on likes and comments. What happened to taking a pie to the neighbor? going out for coffee? Taking our kids to the park? I'm shy, too, and social media makes it easy for us to hide in that. Thank you for posting this. I am going to make every effort to break out of this, to get out of my comfort zone And BE with people. But not only that, to always remember that my worth isnt found in the internet, but in God, and He can fill the void and give us strength to reach out to our sisters in Christ. Love you!

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  5. I wonder why we women struggle with feelings of being alone..especially when we are often surrounded by lots of people. The last few months I've really, really struggled with that feeling. Yet, I know I'm not. I think sometimes the good 'ol world of "social media" has snuffed out real relationships. It has turned people against one another, becuase "gasp" can you believe they posted that? Or friendships ending because of a picture posted or something was taken the wrong way...yadda yadda. I just feel like many friendships lost their spark when suddenly the need to actually sit down and write a letter or to sit down and sip coffee ceased to exist. Not to mention, our generatin is SO STINKING CONTROVERSIAL. I mean, what happened to just minding our own business, and talking about simple things like cooking or a good sermon you listened to. It seems like everywhere I go people are too busy saying innappropriate things or arguing instead of just talking about everyday life.

    Okay, I'll get off my soap box. Sorry to respond to such an old post. ;-)

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