Monday, September 28, 2015
The verse that is given for so many situations, I have to be honest, when I hear this verse at times I think, "Oh not that one again.." Yes, it's true. I know I shouldn't feel that way. I know that every word from the scriptures is God breathed. They all bring life, but sometimes I just want God to give me a word that isn't written on everything. I am selfish. I will admit that. But..guess what? He gave me this verse months and months ago, and I just tossed it to the side because I was thinking that surely I am creating this wonderful verse because I want to hear this verse. I know that my mind thinks weird, but that is how I think. To be honest, I have been in a strange pit. It's not your typical God isn't talking to me pit. It was a live like your dying pit. I know, I know...this is a wonderful thing to live like. Live like every moment is your last, but really I just can say today I don't agree with that thought. Maybe because I think so oddly...I dwell too much on death. I can honestly tell you I have been afraid of death for about 7 months now since my miscarriage. Life is a crazy thing. One day you have a thought go through your mind while you are pregnant. That crazy thought was "you and the baby will die"...pan to a month later, and you are having a miscarriage. That was all it took. The downward spiral of thinking I was dying began. God gave me Jeremiah 29:11. I didn't want to cling to it because possibly maybe that verse wasn't from God, and I just WANTED it to be from God because I was scared. Being scared is scary. It is confusing...it d.r.a.i.n.s. every fiber of your being! So, that is where I have been. Living like I was dying. What if today was the last day to see my children..tears would fall...if I travel for pleasure I may die while getting there...maybe i should stay home...what if...what if...what if....living like your dying isn't fun. I knew God didn't want me here. I cried out to Him everyday, and everyday He sent wonderful people to encourage me, but I wasn't satisfied. Even if the doctor told me I was alright, I couldn't cling to that truth. My hair was still falling out, my stomach is still acting messed up. I was clinging to everything, but really clinging to nothing but living like I was dying. Until today! I am going to look at it differently. I am going to live like I am living! God showed this to me.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy: I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" John 10:10
There is only one who came to steal, kill, and destroy. My God didn't die on the cross so I could live like I was dying! He came to give me life, and to live like I was LIVING! Not to think this is our LAST moment, but to relish in THIS moment! To truly live is to live IN CHRIST! Death has no victory over me.
"Where, O death, is you rvictory? Where, O death, is your sting? 1 Corinthians 15:55
There is no sting because there is no death! We have been freed from the law of sin and death! So, what do I need to do now? I need to stand firm. Let nothing move me. To stay true to the verse that He gave me,
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
That verse is living like you're living!
I pray that this has encouraged you in some way. If you struggle with anything run to your God. I would love to pray with you through it as well. We are not on this journey of living like you're living alone! This is a group thing! Please, comment and let me know. I would be honored to pray with you! The struggle is real, but our God is BIGGER...and He hears us when we call on Him!!!!
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
I am tired. Tired of feeling alone. Where are all the moms that stay at home in my neighborhood? My children have no one to play with, and I have no one to talk to. I can't do it alone anymore. If you live nearby, can you call me? Can you come over and hang out? We can chat about God, about life, as our children run and play. I don't know about you, but I cannot sit in the house alone anymore. My children grow tired of their mommy being too worn out to play another game of hide and seek. If I draw another shape for them I may lose it! If I have to slide down another chute in chutes and ladders I may just go crazy! Where is that other mom at her wits end? Where did you all go? I know we have busy lives, but I need someone to hang out with.
I feel alone. I am raising 7 children with a husband who works full time. On many occasions his job calls him to travel spending at least one night and two days away from us. I know that this job is a wonderful blessing, but there are times that it aids in my loneliness. The only one vying for my time is Facebook. A fake companion that doesn't fill in the emptiness, but somehow makes the hole larger. To Facebook reality, everyone seems too busy to visit, too busy to get close.
What do I do? How do I remedy this? Where did the love of ones neighbor go? I know I have relied on Facebook to help me escape, to indulge in something I feel has meaning. Why? Because I feel I deserve solace, peace, and quiet. Instead I get a child who clings to me even more because I did not spend enough time with them. One that wants to stay up a little longer to be near me(ok, maybe it has more to do with truly to NOT wanting to go to bed). Children who God gave me to teach them about Him, but instead I have been busy teaching them to long for comfort in a post on a smartphone.
So, to all those mothers at their wits end, if you are home can you give me a call? Maybe together we can collect our wits, regain control, and edify one another? I am not going to let my loneliness get me down nor am I going to let it take away my hope. Why must we feel lonely and worn out? We don't! So, as it says in Hebrews 10:23,
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." Even more so it goes on to say, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25
Knowing all this i determined that God needed to find me a friend. How wrong am I! I have to drag myself out of the slump! I admit being a wife to a husband that works a lot and a demanding schedule was taking its toll on me, but I had let go of something so essential. I know it's hard to find time for friends. It's hard to walk to the neighbors house, to intrude on their schedule. Yet, I was the one making my own walls. I was the one isolating myself out of fear, shyness, and embarrassment of not measuring up to a standard I created. The walls, I admit, are still erected. I wanted the companionship, but not the bareness is exposes Do you see my dilema? I have not let them in. I have given into that doubt, that feeling of isolation. So, it is time to break through these barriers. It is a struggle everyday! I have muted facebook(you can never really get rid of it, it has become our new email!). I will not allow my barriers to get a foothold and keep me here. I will grow-I will let people in. I will find that friend, but please could you call me? I am a little shy. ;)